Body Image

     Much of the talk today is to overcome our unrealistic beauty standards; especially here in the West where we believe beautiful is Barbie or modern G.I. Joe. I completely support it. We all know companies and media are a big factor to blame in all this, so we can put more money into their products. Though, I have no desire to bore us with that talk. My last blog talked about the scam ads promoting magic pills. For some people it’s a struggle to see that scam and wish it were real. I did. I still do. I love my face and hair and I love the clothes that make me feel confident. My confidence level is through the roof some days… as for other days; it’s through the floor. I began to power lifting because I envied the strength, but in the back of my mind, I wanted to be smaller, too.  That’s were I faltered. When I first began training, I was very back and forth on my training weeks. I would be so determined for two to three weeks and then I’d have zero motivation to do anything but sleep.  I would hate on myself so much during those weeks. I’d think how lazy I am, which would make me want to do it less as I felt too shitty about myself. Eventually, I’d force myself back into it and the cycle continued. My biggest problem is feeling so hopeless. Most of my life, I have been back and forth with my weight in extremes. Right now is the heaviest I've been. Partially due to the fact I've gained new muscle, which is super exciting! Though for the last few months I've kept to lifting. So far, I haven’t let myself quit. I still feel the low. What some people don’t realize is that when you have constantly fought the battle of gaining and losing weight for a long time, you have this epiphany of why do I care anymore? Why should I continue trying when it gets me nothing and I just relapse anyway. I've felt this many times, but I still continue trying because I know I can reach my dream. I want to look into the mirror and love my body! That’s why I’m grateful to my dad for introducing me to power lifting. Without it, I would be fifty pounds heavier today, still feeling bad about myself. I gain a little more confidence every time I come out of the gym. I hope others life me feel this way when they leave the gym or get done doing whatever exercise because even if you don’t see the results right away, it’s progress physically as well as mentally.